So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
