My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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