if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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