I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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