Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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