Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
