There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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