You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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