you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
