When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
