He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize