So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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