based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
