that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
