Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
