so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
