I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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