You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
