I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
