I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
