Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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