Pappa wants mamma naked
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
