I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
