Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
