I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
