Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
