We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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