The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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