I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
