i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
