I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
