I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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