How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
