You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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