Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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