what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
