my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
