my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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