community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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