im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sext me about skeletons
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
