I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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