can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
