That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Randomize
