I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
