god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
