Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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