u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
