Your face is a jimmy john
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize