she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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