The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
