I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
