are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
