So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
