3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
