dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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