I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
