First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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