i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just pee around me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
