too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
