im drinking this country out of the recession.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
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