I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
