I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize