My sheets look like a crime scene.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
