Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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