I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is Oprah even human
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
