i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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