I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
