So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
