ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
