I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
