just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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