so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
