Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
